Good Morning Gaia Show! Act I
by Mikoto1
Summary: Kuja and Ultimecia are given a show, in desperation they come up with the 'good morning gaia' show. it has characters from ff6-9 featuring.uhhh. enjoy.


[[Note: CONTAINS SPOILERS!!! I do NOT own square or any of the final fantasy characters, names and places have been kept the same (I still don't own them) and overall I don't think I own any people in this story. except for Jimi the camera man. Jimi, we love you. (Bwwwaahaha! Your soul is mine!) And voice-over guy. He lives in my closet! *proud grin*]]  
  
[Lights flash on, wide screen shot of stage where comfit-able chairs and desk are sitting.]  
  
[Swings around to shot of sign: 'Good Morning Gaia']  
  
[Close up shot on presenters]  
  
Kuja: *smiles* Hello and GOOG MORNING GAIA!, I'm Kuja and this is my beautiful co-host: the wonderful Ultimecia!  
  
Ultimecia: Thank you Kuja, it's a pleasure to be here.  
  
Kuja: we have a lot to get through today so shall we make a start?  
  
Ultimecia: *nods* Of Kource!  
  
Kuja: Righty-ho then, first up we have a little game I like to call 'get that date!'  
Our 3 contestants sit in little cramped boxes and answer questions for our lovely lady guest. Then if she find one she likes we send them off on a nice little holiday. Maybe to fetch something.  
  
Ultimecia: Oh Kuja, You make it sound so appealing!  
  
Kuja: *looks sideways at Ultimecia* .... Yes. Well. Right.  
Uhh. HERE COME THE CONTESTANTS!  
  
[Audience clap loudly as Sephiroth, Quina and Zell walk on stage]  
  
[The contestants smile and wave, take a number and squish into the three boxes]  
  
Kuja: Alrighty men, sound check!, when I call your number say your name into the mic!  
  
Ultimecia: Kontestant one!  
  
Sephiroth: Number one. As always. *grin*  
  
Kuja: Contestant two!  
  
Quina: No food in here! [Shuffle noises are heard]  
  
Kuja: .. Okay then, that must be the darling Quina.  
  
Ultimecia: Kontestant three!  
  
[Silence is heard]  
  
Ultimecia: Kontestant three state your name!  
  
Zell: ... Is that.. Ultimecia?! *Yelp*  
  
Ultimecia: *sweatdrop* Kontestant three's mikrophone works.  
  
Kuja: ALL RIGHT!, now for the lady!!!  
  
[Audience cheers loudly as Selphie Tilmitt walks on stage]  
  
Selphie: *waves at audience then at Kuja and Ultimecia*  
  
Kuja: now dear, if you just step into the box.  
  
Selphie: *smiles and steps into the box and sits down* okay, I'm ready!  
  
Ultimecia: okay, you will find your questions to ask the *cough* lovely men on the table.  
  
[Audience gasp as a table appears]  
  
Ultimecia: *grins*  
  
Kuja: *looks slightly annoyed* right. Let the game begin!!!  
  
Selphie: Alright. Contestant one, what do you always carry around with you?  
  
Sephiroth: . My mother.  
  
Selphie: *nods* good. Same question to contestants two and three.  
  
Quina: Fork. For frogs.  
  
Zell: uhh.. My gloves. And my jacket. And my shorts. and hotdog wrappers of course!  
  
Selphie: okay!, well, Contestants: what's your idea of a good time?  
  
Sephiroth: trying to take over this puny world.  
  
Quina: Frog hunting. I very good at it!  
  
Zell: chillin', just hanging around eating 'dogs ya know. nothing too. dangerous.  
  
Selphie: hehe, last question: if I choose you where would you want to go on our holiday?  
  
Sephiroth: somewhere. alone.  
  
Quina: where yum-yums are! Good yum-yums!  
  
Zell: anywhere that isn't the future! Or the past! Or anywhere that involves magic and the possibility of not getting home!! Also, nowhere with Mexican food.  
  
Kuja: sorry to cut it short guys, but the lady will now make her decision.  
  
Selphie: *appears to be thinking hard* got it!  
  
Ultimecia: well.?  
  
Selphie: Contestant. two!!  
  
Kuja: ...great. Now, we have other things to attend to Ulti, people are waiting.  
  
Ultimecia: *raises an eyebrow and waves her hand, the contestants and Selphie vanish*  
  
Kuja: alright. Sorry that took so long folks but now we have you caller's phone in with your problems!  
  
Kuja: *hands Ultimecia a headset*  
  
Kuja: Caller one, your on the air. what's your problem?  
  
Caller one: w-well, I have this problem you see, I'm in love with two women.  
One I want to be with but the other I'm deeply attracted to.  
  
Kuja: well, this COULD be somewhat of a problem.  
  
Caller one: yes, I know! The problem is.. The lady I'm attracted to. he already has a husband.  
  
Kuja: ohh.  
  
Caller one: .who is my principle!!  
  
Kuja: ?!??! o.O*  
  
Caller one: the thing is, we had this thing going on and we kinda slept toge-  
  
Ultimecia: Seifer?  
  
Caller one: AHHH!! WHO IS THIS?!  
  
Ultimecia: it's me. *Sweatdrop* The great Ultimecia.  
  
Caller one: @#%#^~@#%@#$%!!!  
  
Kuja: Your not allowed to call the callers by name!!  
  
Caller one: wait!!. Ulti, cant you just possess her again? MAKE HER LOVE ME!!  
  
Ultimecia: *cough* .no. Anyways, it was you and me. not her. *cough* remember that night..  
  
Caller one: You?! .....OHH ULTIMECIA!!! *Swoon*  
  
Ultimecia: *sweatdrop* [close up on Ultimecia cutting Seifer off]  
  
Kuja: Ultimecia!!  
  
Ultimecia: What?, he left. ^__^"  
  
Kuja: *sigh* next caller is... Terra!  
  
Terra: Umm, hi. I'm calling about how men are jerks!  
  
Kuja: .. Carry on. who makes you feel this way Terra?  
  
Terra: .Loki. HE'S SUCH A JERK!!!!  
  
Ultimecia: any. reason?  
  
Terra: yeah, lots!, first of all he tells me he loves me then goes lusting after that little whore Celes! Then he----  
  
Kuja: sorry folks, time for an add break!!  
  
[Cut to adds/blackout]  
  
[Fade in on a Moogle standing next to a mopey Moomba]  
  
Moogle: are you getting the respect you deserve? Kupo!  
  
Moomba: *shakes head sadly*  
  
Moogle: are you getting pushed around and forced to -Kupo- do the dirty work?!  
  
Moomba: *nods*  
  
Moogle: then why not rebel?, Kupo! Start a revolution!, Kupo! Get up off your ass and get outta that prison cell!! KUPO-KUUUPPOO!!!  
  
Moomba: *grins and squeaks* LAGUNA!! LAGUNA!!! *Raises paw/fist in the air and growls*  
  
Moogle: *smiles* This add is in no way supported by D-District prison. In fact, Kupo, its quite against this add. ;D  
  
[Big cheesy picture of Laguna in a 'thumbs up' pose flashes on screen]  
  
Voice-over guy: Proudly brought to you by Esthar!  
  
[Fade out]  
  
[Fade in on Kuja lacing up his boots and Ultimecia sipping ginger-tea in front of the 'Good Morning Gaia' sign]  
  
Kuja: Welcome back folks!  
  
Ultimecia: Yes, Welkome. *sips tea*  
  
Kuja: And now for your view pleasure we bring to you the story that awed the world. A story of love, freindship, womanisers, and marshmellows!!  
  
Ultimecia: Any evil sorcerouses?  
  
Kuja: Saddly no. No villians of any sort.  
  
Ultimecia: *sigh* Ohh well, Kontinue.  
  
Kuja: ..Right. Now I'd like you all to give our next guests a big hand. IRVINE KINEAS AND ZIDANE TRIBAL!!!!  
  
[audience goes wild as Zidane and Irvine walk on stage bowing]  
  
Kuja: *gestures at the chairs* Darlings, sit, sit!  
  
[side shot of Irvine and Zidane siting down in chairs next to each other]  
  
Kuja: so. when did all this happen?  
  
Irvine: well, like, we just met one day. it didn't happen at first. we were going round, looking for babes. then I guess in the end, it just clicked, like, ya know?  
  
Zidane: *nods*  
  
Kuja: So, I hear you've both been through some tough times before and after the realationship. why don't you tell me about them?  
  
Irvine: well, as you know, there was like, this thing with Ultimecia here.  
  
Ultimecia: *smiles coldly over the teacup*  
  
Irvine: ... yeah. *Cough* and then my realationship with Selph fell through and I had no one to turn to and. *he sniffs* .and Zidane was just there for me man, like, yeah, just there!  
  
Zidane: *pats Irvine on the back* I was.  
  
Kuja: And Zidane. you had problems too, after the fight with me and everything how did you cope?  
  
Zidane: wait. how did you get out from there anyway?  
  
Kuja: flushes red then carrys on light-heatedly* did you marry Garnet in the end?  
  
Zidane: ..no,.really. arnt you ment to be dead?..  
  
Kuja: *uncomfortable cough* and how exactly did you meet Irvy anyways?  
  
Zidane: ....  
  
Irvine: ..  
  
Ultimecia: *Unconfortable scilence*.... yes, well. Sooo.Irvine, you were telling me earlyer that you were going to ask Zidane to marry you.. Hows that going for you?  
  
Irvine: *turns pink*  
  
Zidane: !!!!!!!!  
  
Kuja: (phew)  
  
Zidane: WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THIS IRVINE KINEAS??!! I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE GIL PROBLEMS AND GETTING A HOUSE AND SHIP AND EVERYONE STILL GIVING US THAT LOOK! *he hits Irvine hard over the head and knocks Irvines hat flying*  
  
Irvine: *bursts into tears and runs off*  
  
Zidane: Shit!, IRVY-POO! COME BACK HUN, I DIDN'T MEAN IT!!!  
  
[wide shot of Zidane running offstage after Irvine]  
  
Kuja: Wow. tad up-tight wee chap. *Chuckle*  
  
Ultimecia: Stress. That's what I bet!  
  
Kuja: *nods* ..if only I had got to him first. *mutters*  
  
Ultimecia: what?  
  
Kuja: *blushes* Ohh, nothing! I was just complaining about the false advertising about the marshmellows in that last story.  
  
Ultimecia: ..  
  
Ultimecia: Well. Whats next?  
  
Kuja: what do you mean 'whats next?'?!  
  
Ultimecia: its your show!!  
  
Kuja: ohh!! So it is. Well, up next we have '30 seconds' with Nida.  
  
[close up on Kuja pressing a switch and a screen pops up behind the chairs]  
  
Kuja: well, this is our garden-cam. *Grins* From this we can play god.  
  
Ultimecia: *perks up* really?  
  
Kuja: Weeelll.. Almost. Watch.  
  
[screen fuzzes for a second then a picture apears]  
  
[close up on screen displaying the driving and Steering Quarters of Balamb Garden where Nida is driving with a sign around his neck]  
  
Kuja: NIDA!, NIDA CAN YOU HEAR ME??!  
  
[close up of Nida's startled face as he looks around]  
  
Nida: w-who's there?  
  
Kuja: Kuja, from the Good Morning Gaia show!  
  
Nida: WOW, REALLY?!  
  
Kuja: Of cource!, now Nida, will you be willing to spare 30 seconds?  
  
Nida: Sure!!, but I still need to drive.  
  
Kuja: that's fine, you just need to answer a few questions for me.  
  
Nida: *grins* okay!  
  
Ultimecia: Who's that kid?  
  
Kuja: Well, the sign says 'Nida' so I suppose.. NIDA! WHATS WITH THE SIGN?!!!  
  
Nida: ohh, its so people remember me!  
  
Kuja: . right.  
  
Nida: has the 30 seconds started yet?  
  
Ultimecia: yes, I'm starting it now.  
  
Kuja: okay Nida, question one: Where is your hometown?  
  
Nida: Balamb, I lived next to Zell his whole life and he still doesn't know who I am! *Grin*  
  
Kuja: *Chuckle* second question: How did you become driver for Balamb Garden?  
  
Nida: ohh, when Squall became leader of Balamb Garden he appointed me the driver. I guess its cause he trusted me and new me so well.  
  
Ultimecia: *stiffles a giggle*  
  
Kuja: Question three!: Whats your favourite colour?  
  
Nida: .. I'd have to say... Brown!  
  
Kuja: Four: If you were to have any girl in the garden..  
  
Nida: Quistus.  
  
Kuja: WOW, that was quick!. any reason? *Wink*  
  
Nida: *blush* ohh shush up kuja!  
  
Kuja: But darling!. *winks and Giggles*  
  
Ultimecia: Times almost up!  
  
Kuja: okay, last question: If you were to take me out on a date somewhere.. where would you take me?  
  
Nida: well, first we would go out to a play then I would drive you to Dollet to see the stars. we would sit near the tv tower and---  
  
[wide shot as screen goes fuzzy]  
  
Kuja: Nida?! NIDA!!!  
  
Ultimecia: ohh dear, komunications lost. Poor Kuja! *she grins*  
  
Kuja: *turns to her and growls* SHUT UP WITCH!  
  
Ultimecia: aww, sulky Kuja! *pokes her tongue out*  
  
Kuja: Ultimecia. Let me remind you who's show it is. I SHALL NOT STAND FOR SUCH THINGS COMING FROM MY CO-HOST!  
  
Ultimecia: *shuts up and bites her lip*  
  
Kuja: *grits teeth* now we have an add break.  
  
[fade out]  
  
[fade in on a small black mage sitting next to a waterfall]  
  
Vivi: hi. Do you wish your life was like this?  
  
[close up on waterfall for a few seconds]  
  
Vivi: when in reality its like this.  
  
[screen changes to the dollet battle sceen from ff8]  
  
Vivi: *walks over to a small table containing bottles of pills* Pro-pills, happyness in a pill. Take two pro-pills twice daily and I garentey your life will feel more stressfree and you will feel less depressed and anxieous in one week.  
  
Vivi: works for me! *big smile*  
  
[close up on pills lable]  
  
Voice-over guy: Don't take pills in conjunction with copious amounts of sugar, alcohol, drugs, other medication, bible camps, dangerous water or time-travel. If you miss a pill, take one as soon as you remember. If you overdose (take more then three pills a day) you are doomed. See doctor is problems/anxiety and paranoia pursist.  
  
[fade out]  
  
[fade in on Kuja and Ultimecia glearing at each other.]  
  
Kuja: ...  
  
Ultimecia: ....  
  
Kuja: *sigh* Well, just say it, I know it was you Ulti.  
  
Ultimecia: I'm telling you Kuja, I didn't slip tea in your boot!!  
  
Kuja: THEN WHO THE HELL WAS IT??!!  
  
Ultimecia: *shrugs* maybe you slipped?  
  
Kuja: IN WHAT??! A TEA POOL?!!!!! .*  
  
Ultimecia: *sigh* look, I don't know how you did it but I'm telling you: it. Wassnt. Me.  
  
Kuja: *stands up* well fine. Im going to go get Jimi to dry clean them. *storms off*  
  
Ultimecia: do what you want. *Sigh* looks like its my show now..  
  
Ultimecia: ...  
  
Ultimecia: weeeel. uhhh, what up on the nexty show eh?  
....  
Well, we have a interview with Ragtime Mouse; Eiko and Relm show off their artistic flair and Regent Cid chats to us--... me..i think..-about ruling a kingdom.  
  
Ultimecia: *sweatdrop* well, uhh. That's all we have for today folks. Call again next morning for 'GOOD MORNING GAIA'!!!  
  
[fade to black as Kuja runs on stage and chucks a boot at Ultimecia as she cackles with laughter]  
  
[Credits:]  
  
Show-host: Kuja Show co-host: Ultimecia Camera man: Jimi Noxtie Voice over: Voice Over Guy. Boot cleaner: Tina Wesseria Lights and sound: Amarant Coral. Tea lady: Edea Kramer Microphone check: Linda Swatterrox. Demonic kitten handler: Poor Mr Foley.  
  
[thanks to:]  
  
all the contestants and guests that apeared on the show. Jimmi Tina Mr Foley Amarant Ogolop control.  
  
You, the reader.  
  
[[look out for good morning gaia-2, the story-hopefully, somewhat-continues and uhh, I write. Stuff. Also Jimi and voice over guy return along with all the other random people I made up. ^__^ See you then, then. Then. Thank you for reading, review if you think its worth your time]] 


End file.
